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08 abril

I haven't added to this lately

what i just said up top. I haven't added to this lately bcs i am lazy and i work...sometimes;) and im preggo so.... blah!! what so i say but hey there hi there. not missing much up here in bellingham. I am missing life in seattle though. the social scene is way better. heh, i am sure you can imagine. the colleg town is kinda gay but oh well. I am managing my daughter alyza whom is 2 1/2 now and working and being preggo and managing Joseph who is always at school getting smart (to support my shopping addiction i have now since i stopped doing all the fun social things i used to) ahem. joseph is going to be a head dr!!!! wot in the hell? do i need to be marrying a head dr? prolly a good idea if i do say so myself. No but truley we balance eachother out. I love him, he loves me.. it's interesting. anyway. I think I am going to finish up my marketing degree and go back to school. I think i want to go to law schooll so i can learn to argue with joseph better;) 
 
ok god what else is on my mind.???
this whole Judas scripture has really kinda tripped me out. I am very much into Catholic history. not so much religious, more so curious and raised Catholic. anyhyow this is quite my interest, these added scriptures. kinda makes me think evil is all part of god's master plan, and if that is the case, I am mortified of god.. the almighty "good" one eh??? oh yeah and another major point... Jesus was nothing more than a martyr bcs the scripture of judas states Jesus asked Judas to turn him into the Roman's and judas would be higher than the other diciples bcs Judas would help Jesus shed himself of his mortal skin.. (freeing his spiritual self)  <----------- can we say MARTYR of all time??
 
This is WAY interesting stuff to me. hope you enjoy the weeks and weeks b4 i add to this again:P
21 enero

Today was a good day

I stopped by my own place here for a quick second. Thought I'd tell a bit of my life and it's current events. I am doing well up here in Bellingham. I got my own place, a nice little 1 bedroom in a nice part of town (not like the entire town isn't nice, lol) .. I see Alyza every week at least once. I am slowly preparing and planning so when she does move up here, it is a possitive move. She is always really excited to see me. I am performing well at my job. I feel as though I am a joy to have there, as well as it being a pleasure to be there for 10 hours a day. Tmo treats us well. I guess that is the long and the short of it, without getting to personal. Life is spectacular and once again satisfying. I suppose when I have another moment and desire, I will say more... Miss you all!!!
 
EMPTY--->Cat
14 diciembre

What Really Sucks. True Story.

Tonight was interesting. I was sitting in the back bedroom with the door closed and the music up loud. when all of a sudden I heard a startling bang! I jumped outta my seat, got chills....the door slamming!!! and my roomate screaming my name!!!!! I run out of the room frantically. I ask wots wrong she explains that somemexican tried to force entry on the house screaming about " GIVE ME WEED " um... NO!! who robs people for weed. Wot was funny is that he tried to do it with a fake play gun.. WOT!!! OH FUCK NO!!! she wasn't letting him in so the slamming was the door when she slammed it on him.lol.. she calls the cops and they come over here asking about weed and shit..lol WTF!!! NO!! nothing is right about any of that but the cop was cool and he didn't like the cig smoke smell. poor guy so we put our cigs out for him... um but him writing on his lil note pad was so hot. his keys hanging from his belt ----yummy. ok so enough about all that. Things like this don't happen in BELLINHAM!! I swear... get your own fucking weed man!!!!!
 
<or at least be polite>
10 diciembre

shake it off

I gotta shake it off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake, it off
Just like the Calgon commercial like
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I'd don' made my move for somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake, shake it off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
shake you off

[1st verse]
By the time you get this message
It's gonna be too late
So don't bother paging me
Cause I'll be on my way
See I grabbed all my diamonds and clothes
Just ask your momma she knows
You're gonna miss me baby
Hate to say I told you so
Well at first I didn't know
But now it's clear to me
You would cheat with all your freaks
And lie compulsively
So I packed up my Louis Vuitton
Jumped in your ride and took off
You'll never ever find a girl
Who loves you more than me

[Chorus]
I gotta shake it off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake it off
Gotta make that move
See I'd done made my move for somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake, shake it off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
shake you off

[bridge]
(I Gotta)
shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it
Off...
shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it
Off... (i'm gunna shake it off)
shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it
Off... oooo
shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it
Off...

[2nd verse]
I found out about a gang
Of your dirty little deeds
With this one and that one
By the pool, on the beach, in the streets
Heard y'all was
Hold up my phone's breakin' up
I'ma hang up and call the machine right back
I gotta get this off of my mind
You wasn't worth my time
So I'm leaving you behind
Cause I need a real love in my life
Save this recording because
I'm never coming back home
Baby I'm gone
Don't cha know

[Chorus]
I gotta shake you off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake, shake it off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake it off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake, shake it off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
shake you off

[bridge]
(I Gotta)
shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it
Off... ooooo
shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it
Off... SHAKE IT OFF
shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it
Off...oooh
shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it
Off...

[chorus] (JD)
I just gotta shake it off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake, shake it off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake it off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake, shake it off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
shake you off

[JD & Mariah Carey] (fades)
Everybody , everybody just bounce, bounce
shake it off
Everybody just, everybody just bounce, bounce
06 diciembre

One In The Hood Gee

Hola Ma'an!!
 
 
I know it's been a minute since I last wrote and realizing also that you prolly aren't waiting around to hear about things .. Ima just lay it out for ya. You can eat shit and die.. oh no.. heh, that's not what I wanted to say! Things are good, real good. Life is work, work is life. I get out every weekend except this last one, to see my daughter. I take the train which is cool. She will be joining me, here, in Bellingham by the end of December! I am so excited! I will hopefully have enough time to enroll in school, but we'll see, kinds of choices I am preparing myself for. It is difficult sometimes to move on in life, not knowing what is abroad.
 
I visited Vancouver BC this last friday. I couldn't leave for the weekend due to apt situating. Instead of wasting any time, I took care of one of the major things I wanted to do in my life, and it was smoking at a hash bar.. NOW B FOR ALL OF YOU DRUG NAZI's get your panties in a bunch!!! I did it for the all around purpose. I am now against the hash bars in my local community. I realize my experience also was in direct realation to the legal hookers that were crawling all over my knads.. but no thank you!!!!!!! Then after passing through the sketchy ass border twice, life was once again ok.
 
I made it back and slept the entire weekend.. Life is truley good. I wanna just work (but not at the same time) and kick back. uh I don't really know how to end this, because it isn't over                       just wait ... and see
 
 
 
 
this vancouver study is To Be Continued.....
31 octubre

Frustrating Realizations

Halloween Pages:

 

Despite everything I’ve been through, the hardest of them all has to be sitting here alone without my daughter on Halloween... What is she dressed like? How is her candy seeking? How is she holding up without mom? Does she know her mom can’t be there for her because mom is getting her shit straight? Does she know her mom loves her more than anything? How is my baby?

 

Might be as easy as a phone call, if it was ever answered, when I call. Could be easy for her, and yet exceptionally difficult for me. I know I haven’t been the best mother or role model for my beautiful baby, robbing her of a fully attentive mother. I am sitting where I am because last year I was less than thrilled to participate in any festive activities... ie: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc. I was not paying attention to the important things in my life last year. My current regretful state is in direct result of my selfishness and bad choices, in the last year. It’s hard, so very hard… This feeling has to be the one to teach me that being away from my baby for more than a week, has to come to an end. I am here for her now.

 

If I could talk to her right now, I’d tell her “Baby Girl, mommy is here. Mommy is working hard to make a life for you here. Mom wants to hold you so badly, Alyza. Mom wants to kiss those cheeks, snuggle you to sleep, cradle you when you are sad. Mom wants to be the one to pick you up outta your crib after your nap. I want to hear you say all your words to me because you know I am eagerly listening. I want you to know your mommy hasn’t given up so please don’t give up on me, baby girl.”

 

It will never be the same, my life. I have affected lives in catastrophic ways and I am truly living the consequences of my sum and substance. I can change it around, I have already begun. Just a day like this, it hurts. It hurts a lot. I will go to work tomorrow like every other day. I will work at straightening out my lumps and bumps and over time, I will have solved all my self inflicted issues. I can do it, easy… Just keep plugging away at my business and before I know it, I will have a suitable life for my daughter to come back to. A sound spirit, hearty soul, and a vital spark for ALL lives I effect.

Adventure..

"Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day-to-day obstacles of life - Facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, testing our resources against the unknown and in the process, discovering our own unique potential."
 
 
-John Amatt

A Night Before Halloween Story!!

Here I go again.. with my blather

 

One night I hear a weird knock at the door. Me being paranoid and delusional, I lock myself in a bedroom. I didn’t know what was going on, It was late, dark, wet, and cold. It was the night before Halloween. I loved that the holiday made me so happy, being how dark and evil it is. But the knock was not of any knock.. it was the knock of the devil. NO! I screamed but it was too late, the knock came again, and again.. then on the windows, the shadows on the lit walls?!? I just couldn’t take the pressure.. I hid, hid in the dark room with only streams of light off of my lifeline, my candle.. It was the only thing normal and consistant. My candle.

 

The knocks ceased.. at this point only brushes of noise outside every wall. I think they were crawling through the cracks of the walls. I knew something was inherently wrong. I got on my feet still fondling my lit candle and began to peer outside the blinds. There was darkness, wind, rain, noise everywhere!! It could be anything but I know they are there. So grasping my candle I determined that nothing was outside my direct window. What a relief.

 

I continue to the next room to view out those windows but the candle burns out every time I pass this bedroom doorway so I leave it behind only for 1 minute… That is when the wave hit me like I was alone, left for my own thoughts and perceptions of the dark.. I hated it but the thrill was enough to make me do it. I walked to each room and back to my candle.. peering, looking for that beast! It was gone to my belief when all of a sudden, out of thin air.. the backdoor blows wide open. The screen door, usually latched, flailing also in the wind… NO!

 

I charge straight at this door with my hands locked in front of my body.. running.. I slam the door closed lock the dead bolt and ran to my candle.

 

My candle is where I am now! Any suggestions?

29 octubre

This Is Taking It TOO Far!

Charges dropped in police massages
 By Scott North For the Enterprise
and Diana Hefley For the Enterprise
 
Lynnwood police went too far earlier this year when they went undercover and engaged in sexual contact with female masseuses as part of a prostitution investigation, Snohomish County prosecutors decided Oct. 19.

All charges against the women were dismissed in the interest of justice, said Mark Roe, the county's chief criminal deputy prosecutor.

Prostitution was a problem at the Classic Tonic Spa in Lynnwood, but "I think they went a little too far," Roe said of police officers.

"When we try to obtain convictions, I think we are endorsing the way the evidence was obtained. Although I understand completely that this was a legitimate investigation brought on by repeated citizen complaints about this establishment, my personal feeling is the investigation went a little too far in obtaining that evidence," he said.

The charges stem from police undercover visits in April and May.

In late September, Myong G. Chow, 40, of Tacoma was charged with misdemeanor prostitution. The spa's manager Myong S. Pang, 42, also of Tacoma, was charged with felony second-degree promotion of prostitution.

The case made national news when it was learned that police allowed the women to fondle the officers' genitals. Police said they engaged in the conduct in hopes of filing more-serious charges against the suspects.

Chow's lawyer, Stephen Martin of Lakewood, said prosecutors were correct in dropping the charges.

"It is almost like an undercover drug cop sampling some of the drugs," Martin said.

The decision did not sit well with police.

"I don't agree with the prosecutor's decision. The tactics were not illegal or unethical and are used by other law enforcement agencies," Lynnwood police Cmdr. Paul Watkins said.

He said the fate of the case has not caused him to rethink the decision to allow officers to have sexual contact with suspects. The primary goal was to shut down the business, and that was accomplished, he said.

"I would hope that people upset about inappropriate tactics would be as concerned about a house of prostitution being located next to a school where there are children and a retirement facility," Watkins said.

He said he'd use the tactics again but will talk with prosecutors beforehand.

Police will discuss possibly refiling misdemeanor charges against the women in Lynnwood Municipal Court, Watkins said.

At the same time, Roe said he believes police acted with good intent.

"What I would stress is there really was this house of prostitution operating in their city, and they needed to do something about it," Roe said.
26 octubre

Missing You

 Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night.  I miss you like hell. 
22 octubre

Annoying Emails, should we reply or neglect?

 Everyday I recieve emails saying "I read your article on certain website and I am having trouble solving this problem can you please email me the solution as soon as possible". Most of the time I email them a link which contains the solutions but seems like that they are never happy. They are code hunders and need code :). Even if I give them few lines of code they will email you back the whole code with new requirement. Sometimes you get the feeling that you are their employee, unfortunatly you don't get paid. I am sure you all have been in this situation what is your stand on this issue ? Should we completly neglect such emails or should we take time and please them?

21 octubre

Axiom or Eroticism: Episode 2

 

Synapsis: Episode 2 of the series following the adventures of 2 detectives as they stumble across the dangerous world of erotic mind control.

It is recommended that you read episode1 in order to have a better understand of this one, although the story should be enjoyable if you don’t.

 

 

Lori strode into the office wearing something completely different from what her peers were use to. Instead of her usual jeans and T-shirt appearance, she was decked out in a black halter top and mini skirt. She had also exchanged her plain white gym shoes for knee long leather boots. Instead of the free flowing short cut, Lori’s hair was now slicked back and looked as if it were bleached an even brighter shade of platinum blonde. One other noticeable, was a collar around her neck, thin in making and black leather. It was something that went unnoticed by most as just an accessory to her outfit, but it had more importance to her then anything she was wearing. Victoria had implanted a 2 tiny needle into the 2 sides of the collar that ejected whenever she were to push a button. The needle carried with it the pleasure that Lori needed, and would plunge right into the coronary artery of her neck and release the meth chemical mixture whenever Victoria saw fit. This was Victoria’s way ofkeeping Lori docile and addicted without having to actually be in the room with her.

Lori sat down at her desk and contemplated what she was actually about to do. Her mind was still her own as the effects of the meth would wear off, but as her high came down and she was able to think for herself, her addiction to it also grew. At this time, she knew that what she was about to do was wrong, but she needed the meth more then anything in her life now. Victoria made sure of that with repeated injections and topic rubbings of it on Lori the day before.

LT. Chung came over sitting on Lori’s desk and asked "Hey Lori, what's with the new outfit, I like it but do you really think its suitable for the FBI?"

Lori shrugged and answered back "My look doesn’t effect how I do my job right?" "So what does it matter what I wear."

Chung just looked back seemingly in a small shock as to Lori’s first time ever being out of FBI regulations and replied "Well its your job and you do it well, just make sure D.O. Miller doesn’t see you today, those old timers are major sticklers about the rules."

"Trust me, I will see Miller today, and my appearance will be the last thing he has to complain about." "By the way, where is Jazz today?" Lori replied.

"Jazz told us she was with you and on the lookout for that women who got away" Chung answered.

"So she is glory hogging again, that bitch"

Chung was in disbelief now at Lori, never before had he even seen a hint of dislike between the two, but before he could answer back a lady walked into headquarters and grabbed Chung by the arm.

"Are you LT. Chung?" She asked

Chung sprang around startled. "Yes I am, what seems to be the problem miss?"

Chung may have been caught off guard by this, but Lori knew exactly what was happening and who the lady was. She looked up from her seat and saw her new mistress standing there having a conversation with Chung.

"I need to talk to you right away, I think my brother is dealing narcotics from China and its starting to tear apart our family". Victoria said pulling Chung on the arm, "is there somewhere private we can talk, please".

"Well that is usually something for the DEA ma’am, but I'm sure I can help you." "Lori, excuse me while I help this lady with her problem" Chung said looking back down to Lori.

Lori knew that the plan was coming into effect, that now she was to do her part. She wondered in the seconds from when her mistress arrived till now, if it could really be possible to take apart the FBI from the inside. Something inside her knew what she was doing was wrong, but she was comforted by the thought that it was a strong force and some how justice would prevail. Even more so then those thoughts were even stronger ones of actually accomplishing the plan. Seeing in her evil implanted minds eye officer after officer enslaved, kneeling to their mistress....her mistress. Those thoughts are what drove Lori and made her legs slick with her own juices as she sat there. She wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore, the only thing for sure she wanted was more meth and obeying Victoria was her only way to get it.

"Its ok Chung, at least I see Dr. Philips over there, I need her help with the new MCD devices, the one I tried has some bugs in it".

Chung was about to lead Victoria into his office, but stopped in his tracks and turned back to Lori "You know those are prototypes Lori, they shouldn’t have even been taken out of head quarters yet".

Lori ignored him as she walked into the experimental equipment laboratory.

"Please sir, I need to talk to you now" Victoria passionately said. Chung complied, making a mental note to himself to talk to Lori later about the MCD device and lead Victoria into his office.

"Hey Maggie you got a second, I have a question about the MCD device" Lori said as she entered the lab.

"Sure hun, just give me a second to finish up and I’ll be right with you" Maggie Philips responded back.

Dr. Maggie Phillips was the head of the whole experimental weapons department and was the engineer who invented the MCD device. She devoted her life to her work, even so much that she never had a boyfriend or even a lover. Just upon looking at Maggie, one would have never have guessed that she was a 29 year old virgin, despite the clothes she wore every man on the force noticed when she took off her lab coat she had a pretty nice body and if she ever started to wear makeup her natural beauty would be enhanced. Maggie was the must antisocial member of the force, but her work spoke volumes about herself and showed she was a driven person.

Lori had second thoughts of what she was about to do, so much as a small single tear rolled down her cheek as she stood behind the doctor with the MCD in hand. An inner struggle had begun and her thoughts were becoming less cloudy. Reason was starting to win over the lust she needed for her meth addiction. Although right before Lori had a chance to do anything about her new feelings of clarity, she felt two tiny thin needles prick through her skin from opposite sides of the collar, delivering with it a great amount of the super meth. It was as if Victoria had known exactly when the dose wore off, and triggered the collar from a different room to keep her slave meek and obedient even when she wasn’t there.

Lori felt the rush in her blood and her mind fill with images of violent sex yet again. Her nipples became hard and her shirt felt tight and taunt on her body. Her head rolled back and she let out a soft muffled moan.

Upon hearing the sound Maggie looked up from what she was doing, and without turning simply stated, "I said I would be right there Lori, just give me a minute", mistaking the sexual moan for one of displeasure at having to wait.

Lori quickly whipped away the tear from her eye and made her way till she was standing directly in back of Doctor Maggie Phillips.

"Well the minute is up hun, in more ways then one" Lori said as she violently grabbed Maggie’s head with one hand and slipped on the MCD device with the other.

Maggie had no training for hand to hand combat and was taken at total surprise by this attack, leaving her helpless to the enhancements that Victoria had made on the device. In a matter of mere seconds Maggie was lying on the floor with her head in Lori’s lap as she meekly tried to pull the device off to no avail. Lori knew exactly how long the device would take in order to render its victims helpless and as soon as Maggie’s arms went limp then Lori’s job was about to begin.

Maggie could see images of herself in her mind, forced to give oral sex on men and women, being dragged around and put on display in a dungeon, and getting every sexual organ she had pierced and played with, including her clit and nipples.

Lori knew they were the only 2 people in the lab at the time and began to pull of Maggie’s lab coat and get a out a vile of the meth. Before she began she placed a collar around Maggies neck, that was identical to the one she was wearing.


Back in LT Chung’s office, Victoria had already began to tell a bogus story about her brother and his dealings in drug trafficking. She was really putting on a great act for the Lieutenant. Her eyes were watering up and Chung really felt as if this lady was in deep distress.

The big finish to her performance was when she fell into Chung’s arms crying. Chung, being good officer, wanted to console her in any way he could so he began to hug her back. Victoria placed her cheek on top of his, but he noticed something. There was a liquid on her cheek, but Chung just thought it was from her tears until his skin started to tingle.

Chung then sprang back in surprise and said "what the heck is this stuff all over your cheek". He began to rub his cheek, unknowingly doing more damage then good.

"I’m not sure what you’re talking about my darling, does it feel good?" Victoria responded.

Chung found his mind was starting to wonder as his skin was continuing to tingle. "I’m n....ot.........suu..re"was the only response he could muster.

"Well let me help you darling" Victoria said as she started to unbutton his shirt and smear more of the liquid substance on his chest from her cheek.

"Mmm you’re body feels good to me darling, are you sure you don’t know if I feel good to you?" She responded

"What in the world are you doing to me" he coughed out

"I’m making you feel good, just lay back and enjoy it" Victoria said as she got Chung topless and started to unbuckle his pants.

"Oh my you are a healthy boy" Victoria said with surprise as she took out Chung’s enlarged erection from his pants. She then reached in her bag and applied some of the meth solution to her own lips and poured a little bit in her mouth, but made sure not to swallow any. Chung could only sit there helpless as this women undressed him and played with his body in his own private office.

Victoria knelt in front of Chung and greedily grabbed his erect penis and played with it as Chung moaned. "Now doesn’t that feel better darling, but I can make you feel even better." And with that, she began to place his entire cock in her mouth and rub the meth oil over it with her tongue. She made sure she had expertly soaked his cock in her mouth by spitting the meth onto the tip of Chung’s cock. She continued to abuse his penis with her mouth and the meth oil until she feel his cock reacting as if it were ready to spring forth with an orgasm.

Right when she knew he was on the brink, she stopped her oral assault and began to take off her own clothes.

"Darling I made you feel good right?" She asked

Chung could barely respond as his eyes seemed to have glossed over and meekly said "yes" as more of a whisper then a response.

"Well then let me make you feel even better" Victoria said as she lowered her own pussy on top of his pulsating erect penis. The feeling of going from the cold of the meth oil to the warmth of Victoria’s pussy was almost too much for Chung to handle. She began to ride his cock, up and down, until she could tell that Chung himself was getting into it. He began to grab her ass and force himself deeper and deeper into Victoria. Again, Victoria could feel Chung was on the brink of orgasm and stood up and looked into his eyes.

"You feel good darling, but trust me and I can make you feel much better, you would like that right?" She said

"God Yes" was Chungs response as he needed to cum more then anything now.

With that Victoria grabbed her bag once again and pulled out a collar. She looked down and actually noticed that she had gotten a little bit to excited from this and had actually squirted a little bit of pre-cum on to Chung’s leg and penis.

"Look what you did". "You made your mistress all nice and excited for you" She said as she began to sit back down on Chung’s cock.

"And you know I’m your mistress now don’t you"

"Say it for me, say who owns you now"

Chung unable to think clearly anymore simply replied "You’re.....you’re my mistress, you ...own me."

Upon hearing that Victoria snapped the collar around Chung’s neck and rode the helpless man even harder. She tightened her own pussy around his cock and said "cum inside me slave" and with that Chung burst free with a deep and hard orgasm, shouting his warm cum deep inside her as his penis finally was allowed to spring free. Victoria also was lost in the lust of the moment as she sprung with a powerful orgasm herself, showing off her ability to actually have a female ejaculation and covering his cock in her own juiced.

After their encounter Victoria still laid on top of Chung’s cock patting his head "Now my sweet, everything is coming into fruition." As she said that, she brought forth 2 remote control’s and pressed both buttons on them.


While back in the lab, Lori had already removed every piece of Maggie’s clothes and was lying on top of the helpless women whispering new instruction into her ear.

"Victoria is your mistress, she is all knowing" Lori said

Maggie was doing a great job of fighting off the MCD devices effects and even though she now had no control over her own body she could still respond in the negative. "No I ....wont let ....you do this....to me." Came Maggie’s only response. Lori thought since Maggie was the inventor of the MCD she must know some type of mental defense against it. However, as soon as she thought that, she felt another pang in her neck and felt the same rush that she always did from her meth induced state. She also saw the same look on Maggie’s face however, and knew that the collar had finally come to life for her.

Maggie was now more then receptive to the oral commands as Lori slid down her body and started an oral assault of her own on Maggie’s vulnerable pussy. Lori didn’t hold back as her tongue worked circles on Maggie’s swollen clit. She shoved her tongue deep into her dripping pussy forcing a reaction of Maggie’s legs to tighten around her head, but Lori blocked everything out. She indeed blocked everything out, until she heard the words she waited for.

"Victoria is my mistress, she controls me and I obey with joy".

what now will become of the FBI force? Will Victoria really be able to conquer the rest of the it? Is Jasmine the only way to stop them now!?!?

Two detectives stumble across the dangerous world of erotic mind control.

 Synapsis: A series following the adventures of 2 detectives as they stumble across the dangerous world of erotic mind control
 
Episode One
 
 

Jasmine Kasmarski and Lori Bettendorf were on a hot streak lately. They were the first ever female-female detective pairing for precinct 218 in Chicago. Director of Operations Calvin Miller was a little hesitant at first to pair the 2 together, but realizing the background of each officer made it an easier decision. Jasmine, or Jazz as she was called, grew up in a family of officers, from her dad to her 3 older brothers, everyone of them had been a cop on one level or another. Her dad was hard nosed DEA officer and her brothers followed similar paths ranging from Sergeant of the K-9 unit to captain of the S.W.A.T. Team, but Jasmine wanted something more. While growing up, fighting crime seemed like all she ever heard about or knew. She went through life with not a passion for fighting crime, but more of one for pleasing her dad. She fumbled through all the mandatory schooling and tests to first become a beat cop. She then set her goals high and instead of earning her promotions, shethought a easier path would be to sleep her way to the top. Jasmine was blessed with C-cup breasts, a slim figure, and long dark auburn hair, her Latin background only added to her attractivness to her male superiors. Police officers weren’t adverse to her sexuality, even so that the higher she went up the ladder, the easier she found it for someone to write her a glowing reference page or to even give her a job right on the spot. After 3 years of working the system, Jasmine finally found her way into the office of the FBI, where the director of operations looked at her resume, noticing things such as "high intellect for high powered weapons handling" and "wide range of skilled hand to hand combat tactics" from various high powered figures in the police and one beaming referral from the mayor himself, that he immediately hired Jazz without continuing the routine testing procedures.

Lori on the other hand never had anything handed to her. Not that she wasn’t attractive, but she never used her sexuality to gain an advantage. She grew up in a broken home in which her father was a drunk. After being taking away by social services she went through the adaptation system, going from home to home until she was finally 18 and could make her own choices. She loved the idea of being a officer and helping rid the world of people like her parents, so the obvious choice in her mind was to become a cop. She worked at a steal mill in the day time and then at night would take the necessary courses to train for officer training. After 4 years, she finally got accepted into police academy. Her body had already been toned from her steal mill days and she flew through the physical activities in the academy with ease. After the academy she got her first assignment as a regular beat cop officer. She waited her turn and then came promotion after promotion earning each one with hardwork and savvy. At about age 39, her chance finally came to earn a spot at the big time, the FBI. Even at an older age, Lori found it was easy to keep her body in shape. Jokingly she was called a milf by her partners, even though she was never a mom. Knowing it was important to keep up with looks so no one would mistake her for a lesbian, as that was always the rumor with good female cops, Lori always kept up with her appearance. She left her blonde hair cut short (so it would never get in the way) and wore a bit too much makeup, making her look a bit whorish, but since she never had a mother who could show her these things, she did the best she could do with little know-how. She passed all the FBI’s tests with flying colors and finally earned her place. She had made it to the level in which she would be stopping significant crimes that mattered. Lori walked around with a chip on her shoulder, feeling that she worked harder then anyone to make it and no one would ever take that awayfrom her, so she

Now D.O. Miller was no dummy, he knew that these 2 women could compliment each other better then pairing them up with any man in the department would ever do. The toughness of Lori balanced out with the supposed skills of Jasmine would be and should be a great combination.

From mission 1, these 2 put together a slue of victories. For 3 months straight the duo was stopping more crime then the entire department had in a whole year. There most recent bust was on someone calling himself "the great graham". Graham was a hypnotist by day and at night was running a meth workshop out of his home and adding some sort of special ingredient that made the product easily used and making his users mindless slaves of his.

On the day of the big bust the 2 sat in a van staking out Graham’s house ready to pounce at a moments notice. Lori had called in backup and was waiting for them to arrive before making her move, just like the FBI handbook had laid out for her to do. Jazz sensed that there was no immediate danger from the smallish build hypnotist and was eager to finally set herself apart from the team as the dominate one of the two.

"Hey girl, backup is taking all day, I think its time for this guy to go down, right here and right now" said Jasmine as she burst through the van doors and ran straight for the house.

Startled as to what Jasmine said Lori could only yell, "Jazz waaaaiiiiiit, we have to do this by the book" but she was a tad to late as Jasmine had already kicked in the kicked in the front door and headed in the house.

Not wanting to leave her partner out on limb, Lori had no choice but to grab her gun and head in after her...."damn" she thought "now my partner is trying to play superwomen", as she slowly walked into the dimly lit house.

Looking around trying to be a little more subtle then her partner, Lori noticed she couldn’t see anything accept for light leading to the back room of the house.

"Freeze dirt bag" was the only thing Lori heard as she continued to walk in, and she knew it had to be her partner, so she followed quickly to make she things were all right. When she finally reached the back room she saw her partner holding a gun on a man with his back turned and three nude women kneeling before him. Before she could even react one of the women bolted out of the back door.

"Stay here and finish this up hun while I catch her" is all Jasmine said as she chased the women out of the back door.

Lori was left stunned and kept pointing the gun at the back of the mysterious man. The two remaining girls, without a word being spoken, then charged her. Lori, being well versed in martial arts, easily handled the civilians and had them handcuffed in no time. She noticed the Graham was still standing with his back to her, mixing chemicals furiously, almost as if he hadn’t noticed anyone had entered the room and broken his concentration.

"Are you death? I Believe my partner told you to freeze" Lori said in a stern voice.

Noticing that the man was ignoring her made Lori even more angered, "Stop right now asshole and turn around slowly" she said louder as she started to approach him.

Graham finally stopped and slowly turned around. "Ok you got me, after all I'm done right now anyway so I’ll cooperate" he said slowly turning.

"You bet you’re do--", Lori couldn’t finish her statement as each girl, which she thought had been knocked unconscious, reached up and grabbed both of her arms. Graham, picking up the solution he was working on, spun around and threw the oily mixture in Lori’s face.

Lori was left speechless as her mind was being overwhelmed with visions of sex and human slavery. Her body was also reacting, her nipples started to harden and her skin had a mild body buzz. She couldn’t concentrate anymore and dropped her gun at her side as the man walked closer to her chanting something that she couldn’t make out.

Before Graham could put his hands on Lori, he was klunked on the back of the head by Jasmine’s pistol, leaving him out cold. Right when this happened, the backup finally arrived and helped Jasmine round up the 2 nude girls and the unconscious Graham and bring them in for questioning.

As some members of the FBI helped Lori wash off the substance on her face, Sergeant Chung started to talk in private to Jazz within Lori’s distance of hearing.

"Jazz your reckless disregard of the rules could have cost us this entire case, BUT since you did save your partner and we were able to get nearly every piece of equipment, you could get a accommodation for this" Chung said "Miller should be very pleased with you"

Lori, overhearing this, couldn’t have been more pissed. It seemed like everything she had ever been taught had just went down the tubes and being blatantly irresponsible got you some where.

"By the way jazz, what ever happened to the other girl?" Said Chung

"Oh, I could have gotten her, but I heard the commotion back in the house and decided to save little old Lori here". Jasmine said with a chuckle, even though in the back of her mind she knew she chased the girl for as long as she could before her lack of physical training finally caught up to her. In fact, it was totally by chance that she had even came back to the house and stumbled upon her partner’s peril, but no one had to know that. "I’m sure that a naked girl running down the street shouldn’t be too hard to find anyway" Jasmine added with a wink.

The next night, back at headquarters, Lori was fuming in her seat, as guy after guy came over to congratulate jasmine on her job, but Lori kept her mouth shut. She wasn’t one to point out flaws in someone, she just wanted to do the best that she could do to get noticed herself.

Seeing the crowd of men circled around Jasmine’s desk only infuriated Lori more. "Look at her, flirting with every guy in the room" she thought, "if these guys really knew anything, they would realize that I’ve been the one caring her, not the other way around". "It’s my time to shine and I don’t need her holding me back any more"

Knowing that the other 2 girls were in detox and she still had to go through the process didn’t matter much to Lori. "I know I have to follow regulations and go through full detox before I start an official mission, but what has that gotten me so far?" She thought, "I was only exposed to those chemicals for a short time, so I know they couldn’t have done to much damage to me." "I still feel a bit light headed, but I'm going to go out and find that other girl and bring her back here, that should bring me some much deserved recognition"

Lori quietly and stealthily stepped out of headquarters and started her very own personal mission to retrieve the missing girl WITHOUT the help of any partner.


That night, Lori followed her only lead, and headed to "club blue" where she discovered that recently the owner of the club had sold it to a lady named Patricia for virtually nothing. What intrigued Lori even more was the fact that reportedly people were seen going into the back entrance of the club and leaving minutes latter with dopey looks on their faces.

Lori parked her car and entered the club. She noticed that it was a gothic club, with people wearing everything form studded dog collars to skimp leather dominatrix outfits that left little to the imagination. She felt completely out of place and stuck out like a sore thumb in her plan T-shirt, sport coat, and jeans, but she was on official FBI business and was there for work not fun. She immediately went to up the bartender and asked to speak the owner. The bartender gave a puzzled look and asked "why the heck didn’t you just go around back like all the others" before hoping over the bar and leading Lori down a dimly lit hallway.

Lori noticed that there was a familiar smell in the air, it was the same smell she experienced back in the house. The bartender then said, "she’s right behind this door, and I think you’re in luck tonight, its been slow and you should be her only customer for right now."

As the bartender left, Lori felt a slight thrill in her body as she waited cautiously outside the door. She dismissed the effect as just a high for nabbing another criminal, however she hadn’t forgot all her FBI training for this mission, and before she left she took a newly developed device from the mind control department that should help her out in case the substance was spilled on her again.

The device was a small ear plug device, similar in fashion to hearing aid, but covered not only her ear, but also particially her cheek. It was built to drain out any type of effects that mind control would have on someone, but was also very new and still had some bugs in it. She fastened the device to her ear and hoped for the best before she entered.

Lori flung open the door and saw one of the most amazing looking women she had ever seen. She was garnered in a black boot leggings, a leather bra that only circled around her nipples, and panties to match. She had a very short hair and her body looked like the spinning image of Elveria from the old 80’s sitcom.

"Are you Patrica.....Patricia Paxon, the owner of this club?"

"Why yes little one, but my you look very different from my usual customers, how did you hear about me?", Patricia responded.

"I didn’t come here to be a customer, I came here to shut your little operation down and bring you in with the rest of Graham’s cohorts" said Lori in response

"Ahh, now I remember you, you were detective that was with that little latina one." "Partners is the phrase that is usually used isn’t it". "How fitting for a pair of lesbians to be classified as...partners"

"We are hardly lesbians, Me and my partner are a purely professional relationship, err in fact, it’s none of your business." "Now we can either do this the hard way, or you can come along the easy way and get the detox and help you need to become clean again".

"Hmm, well since I’m easy anyways, I’ll let you take me in the easy way"

Lori was very pleased, she finally would get some of the respect that she felt she was lacking. Being overly confident in her abilities, Lori but down her guard as she approached the buxom beauty to put one hand into the handcuffs. As she reached around for the other hand, Patricia grabbed Lori’s unsuspecting arm and turned her around, then injected the contents of a hidden syringe in Lori’s butt.

Lori dropped her knees as the chemicals quickly took hold of her body. Patricia of course took no haste in grabbing the handcuff key from Lori’s belt and unlocking her own wrist.

"Or maybe this way will be the easiest" Patricia giggled as her she knew her enhanced form of meth was taking control of Lori’s mind and body.

"Oh little one, you must be very strong, by now the new meth should be making you want to rip your clothes off and plunge your fingers into your little pussy, but you seem to be fighting off its effects somehow".

Lori’s mind was spinning, she was being bombarded with images of anal rape and sex more times then she could keep up with. The inhibitor she was wearing was her only connection to the conscious world and helped her stream these images out for being ones of fantasy. She knew that these images weren’t real, but it was becoming harder and harder to distinguish that.

"You see little one", Patricia interjected, as Lori was struggling against herself from these feelings, "this knew version of meth makes your body heavily addicted, and also opens your mind up to want, no, need your most disgusting sexual feelings that lie in the back of your mind to come out." "You see, the more of a sexual vile desires you have hidden, the more it will come out with this", Patricia said as she started to lift Lori’s shirt and play with her nipples.

"Ahh your body is already responding to the images" "Look how hard your nipples are and lets see.." Patricia unzipped Lori’s pants and dipped her fingers in "ahh your as slick as baby oil on a doorknob".

Lori was trying to fight off Patrica’s advances by grabbing her arms as Patrica played with her body, but the drug left her as weak as a kitten and Patrica easily pushed her hands away.

"Another thing with this new meth little one, It can be taken topically too, meaning just a drop on your skin can have your mind melting in mush in mer hours". Patrica said as she was about to apply more meth to Lori's skin by lifting the hair exposing her ear....and the FBI’s device.

"Oh what is this little one" Patrica said "must be something you guys cooked up to combat effects of mind control, that must be why your still struggling and haven’t submitted yet." "Well before Graham took over me, I used to be a weapons inspector for the marines, so I know how to adjust this juuuuust right so it will have the opposite effect."

Patricia was well versed in technology and easily preyed off the covering of the instrument and found its inner workings. In just a few minutes, Patricia had figured out the control center of the device and adjusted as too instead of blocking out mind control, it would make images Lori had seen in her head even more profound.

Now Lori was seeing visions in her head of herself being dominated by men, rapped in the ass, licking the bar feet of women, everything that was her concealed secret hungers. Patricia now easily removed all of Lori’s clothing and laid her on the couch set up in the back room.

"No, please stop, I'm a good cop" is all Lori could meagerly grunt out as she was laid down.

"Why stop now when we have just begun" laughed patricia as she began to pour the meth oil to the naked body of Lori and rub it in.

Lori could just moan as her body started to glisten from the oil. Patrica also removed her own outfit and stood in front of the nude cop. She then applied the meth oil to her own skin and hopped on top of Lori face to face and started to whisper in her ear and kiss her face.

"Obey me, your mind is being taken over and there is nothing you can do about it." "Right now you are becoming addicted to the meth and you need a sexual release." "Obey me little one and have your inner most sexual desires awaken."

With that, Patricia sat back down in her chair and motioned for Lori to crawl over to her. Lori did as she was told but kept whispering "no please no, I never wanted this".

"It doesn’t matter what you want now little one, your will is mine now and you will do anything I ask in order to taste it again", "you know what they say the first hit is free" Patricia added as she began to pour the oily meth substance over her pussy letting it drip to floor.

"Show me how bad you want it, obey me and come lick it off my lovely little pussy, you know you want it"

Lori could do nothing as her body responded to the mixed smell of pussy and the meth oil, she slowly lowered her head into Patricia’s lap. Trying her hardest not to indulge to her inner most desires, she fought with ever fiber of her being not to lower her head enough to actually touch Patricia, but Patricia didn’t care how hard Lori fought, as she gently forced her head into her pussy. Soon Lori’s will was gone as she began to lick furiously, trying to get every drop of meth.

"Mmm that feels so good, are you sure you’re not a lesbian" patricia said, "tell me my new little slave what do you want most in the world right now"

Lori could no longer fight as she revealed what the drug had made her mind see. Patricia then dipped a close by dildo in the meth oil and pushed Lori to the ground. Spreading Lori’s legs, Patricia then plunged the 9 inch dildo deep into Lori’s very accepting vagina. Patricia ruthelessly filled up Lori with the dildo, letting the walls of her pussy soak up the meth oil mixture. In and out slowly at first, over and over and faster and faster until the presure in Lori’s pussy was too much.

"As soon as you orgasm you will be mine forever" Patricia said as she took the dildo out of Lori’s vagina and began to rape her asshole, just like Lori had described to her. Lori’s pussy ached for more of the dildo but her ass was spreading apart easily as it accepted its first time pentration. Lori was flooded with feelings of sex and her mind was numb and accepting her new role as a sex toy.

The feelings were too much for Lori to bare as she came fourth with the most mind shattering orgasm she had ever experienced. For an hour straight the women took turns pleasing each other with each ones sexual desires.

After each had satisfied the other Patricia held her new slave Lori in her arms like a child and explained how Graham was good, but got to confident, and that was his ultimate demise.

"Little one, I’m going to use you to help me sell this meth without any interruptions from the FBI, how would you like that"

Lori now a changed women simply replied "yes mistress". In a night, Lori had gone from a tough cop to a meek kitten addicted to meth and her new mistress. She would do anything to keep her mistress happy and to keep her body content with meth.

"Now we just have to figure a way to get your partner out of the way...."

17 octubre

no more hanging..

Here I go again. I feel closer to closure than anyother time. Everytime I shed a smile, its in rememberance of my hate for you. Evertime I touch something soft, i think about how much I want to be touching nothing else. I love the magic floating in the air.. imagine the stars, they know which way they will always be moving to or burning out of... i wish i knew the same about my life. I think when im finally in heaven, it will all make sence. I pray it will all come to me while im there. dear god i hope that i am not sent back to life and my job with all this crap is finished. i plead with the god to rid the devil from me and rid the desire of making friend's with the devil. I'd love nothing more than to destruct myself. I will not though. I will not be apart of this madness. I will Love from a FAR distance. I don't belong here.. I belong in heaven with love and acceptance, no shit talking, no jelousy of other women... no hatred towards men, no lying... ot people lying i should say. goddamn help me. I thought the high paying job would make me happy. I thought so may things would make me happy. In actuality, they don't
 
FUCK THAT!
Then What does?
16 octubre

Where's My Beer?... Oh sh't i left it on the bathroom

I am going to talk candidly, no abstract stories or song lyrics. I want to tell it straight. I am Catherine Fischer Goddmnit and i am in love with my current life situation. F'ck all the people and things that held me down (you are my vices) I can't help but scream with contempt, but I love this lurking game. I wil see what i want to believe. I will get down on my knees and start to pray. You don't know me, I will make you cry all night. Regular Grace Kelly situation... I don't practice sh't piles of crap scraping, I don't practice injecting hate into myself, I hate everything I don't understand, you threaten me...Go f'ck yourself, no offense. I really Wanna Know.. What I want is you to never come around me near me or lurking around my exsistence. JUST F'CK OFF! and leave it the way it is, i hate it too.. lets enjoy the hate, yum yum.
 
I have come to find myself extremely attractive, mostly because I have been told by some that i am ugly.. makes me wanna f'ck myself harder.. watching myself, filming it.. those are my deep fantasies. I am sure some can relate.. but please dont think me vain, I just appreciate a beautiful person.. i wish there was one more of me to fall in love with.. just so i can ya know be socially acceptable...roflmmfao
 
God I want to kick a55 in the next couple of years, make lots of money, buy a new car, have my love shack baby, the hook ups, the books... and my wordrobe... with a jo'nt in every pocket.<-------ok im kidding about that. but because I am such a worthless piece of sh't to some people, they will not want me to do this.. are you seeing the corilation? ok so think on that!!! sorry to leave you hanging but i gots bizzness to attend to..
15 octubre

Earl

 
Mary Anne and Wanda were the best of friends
All through their high school days
Both members of the 4H Club
Both active in the FFA
After graduation Mary Anne went out lookin'
for a bright new world
Wanda looked all around this town
and all she found was Earl

Well it wasn't two weeks
after she got married that
Wanda started gettin' abused
She put on dark glasses and long sleeved blouses
And make-up to cover a bruise
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce
She let the law take it from there
But Earl walked right through that restraining order
And put her in intensive care

Right away Mary Anne flew in from Atalnta
On a red eye midnight flight
She held Wanda's hand as they
worked out a plan
And it didn't take long to decided

That Earl had to die
Goodbye Earl
Those black-eyed peas
They tasted all right to me Earl
You're feeling weak
Why don't you lay down
and sleep Earl
Ain't it dark
Wrapped up in that tarp Earl

The cops came to bring Earl in
They searched the house
high and low
Then they tipped their hats
and said 'Thank You ladies
if you hear from him let us know'

Well the weeks went by and
Spring turned to Summer
And Summer faded into Fall
And it turns out he was a missing person
who nobody missed al all

So the girls bouth some land
and a roadside stand
Out on Highway 109
They sell Tennessee ham
and strawberry jame
And they don't
lose any sleep at night 'cause

Earl had to die
Goodbye Earl
We need a break
Let's go out to the lake Earl
We'll pack a lunch
And stuff you in the trunk Earl
Well is that all right
Good Let's go for a ride
Earl he

Does He/She Like You?

1.  Playing Peek a Boo
 
Every time you look at him, he is looking away, and every time he looks at you, you look away. Often this game of adult "Peek a Boo" gets so ridiculous that humor breaks the tension and both of you laugh hard enough to allow him to say, "Hi, my name's Mark, and I'm not really two years old."
 
Rather than let this situation continue for days on end, you are allowed to walk up to the guy and introduce yourself.  If you're embarrassed to admit that you were checking him out back, you might wish to say, "Sorry ... didn't mean to freak you out. You just reminded me of someone else.  My name's Cathy!"
 
2.  His Friends Are Staring at You
 
If you don't know the guy and only notice that everybody that he is standing with is looking in your direction, then it could be that he just finished pointing out the woman in the room that he likes. This, of course, has caused curious stares from everyone within earshot.
 
Before you jump to this conclusion, you may want to check to make sure that you don't have spinach between your teeth or that the top four buttons of your blouse have become undone.
 
3.  Playful Physical Contact
 
The tactic goes back even further than high school and as far back as pre-school.  Remember when boys used to try to steal items from your desk, tug your hair or flick things at you with a straw?  Just like when a little boy punched you in second grade, this sort of behavior means that he likes you.  Sigh.
 
4.  Playing With Your Personal Possessions
 
I call this type of a guy "The Fondler."  His idea of flirting is to take an object of yours, such as your cigarette lighter, pen or scarf, and fondle it as if it was his own. This symbolizes his secret desire to fondle you in the same way.
 
5.  Loses the Power of Speech
 
Even the greatest of orators choke up and seem at a loss for words when in the presence of a woman for whom they have an attraction.  You will discover that this guy can talk a mile a minute with his friends, but the moment you enter the picture, the guy becomes paralyzed with sexual tension and has no idea what to say!
 
6.  The Secret Smile
 
This kind of guy will give you that special smile from across the room, but, if you try to get close to him, he stares at his feet.  Take heart!  This means that he is so blinded by your beauty that if he dare look up he may loose all control and rip your bodice off!  This is a sure sign that he thinks you are a Sex Goddess.
 
7.  Blushing
 
This is a dead giveaway.  If the man blushes in your presence, then you definitely have the potential to own a gem of a man.  I like this type of man because he can't help his physical reaction in your presence, yet is humble enough to turn away.
 
8.  Suddenly He Has the Memory of an Elephant
 
Four dates ago, you casually mentioned that your favorite dish was clam linguine.  Now, you're having a full dinner date, and he mentions, "They have a killer clam linguine."  This is a dead giveaway that a guy likes you, because he has been filing away a list of a few of your favorite things in his head for future reference.
 
9.  His Voice Changes
 
That's right ... even though his voice officially changed to the lower octaves when he was about thirteen, he may still turn into a soprano or start choking or gasping for air the minute he starts talking to you. This means that he is gathering all of his unreleased sexual tension in his diaphragm.
 
10.  His Tone Changes Around You
 
The guy is known for barking like Hitler or laughing heartily like Friar Tuck, but the minute he sees you, his tone softens. If he is talking to you like you are a teensy weensy little girl, this is also an obvious indication that he is enamored with you.
 
11.  He Does The "Eye Dance"
 
The eye dance usually occurs when he is standing near you or talking to you his gaze seems to travel in a little circle around your face and then meets your eyes again.  This may be a useful technique for you to master as well!  Instead of locking eyes with a guy in a stare-down contest, try letting your gaze wander around his face.  Meet his eyes briefly, then continue your visual exploration.
 
12.  His Gaze Keeps Flicking to Your Lips
 
If a man glances at your lips with a smile, you'll know immediately that he wants to kiss you.  Once you recognize "The Kiss Look," you'll always know when to give the guy the extra nudge he needs to take your relationship to the next level.
 
13.  His Friends Quiz You
 
Suddenly you feel like his friends are acting like a bunch of telemarketers as they begin to interrogate you about your likes and dislikes, your year of birth, what school you went to, and where you were last weekend.  These conversations may seem casual, but chances are he has sent his friends to gather information about you that he will use to strategically win your heart in the future.
 
14.  He Tells You Smell Nice
 
You may have heard this before as an opening line. It is flattering, it has sexual implication, and it is a definite sign that he likes you.
14 octubre

Reminder To Myself:

 
POSITIVE
  • increased energy and alertness
  • decreased need for sleep
  • euphoria
  • increased sexuality
NEUTRAL
  • excessive talking
  • weight loss
  • sweating
  • visual & auditory hallucinations (hearing voices)
NEGATIVE
  • disturbed sleep patterns
  • tightened jaw muscles, grinding teeth (trismus and bruxia)
  • loss of appetite (anorexia), leading to poor nutrition and weight loss with heavy use
  • reduced enjoyment of eating
  • loss of interest in sex, over time
  • itching, welts on skin
  • nausea, vomiting, diarrhea
  • excessive excitation, hyperactivity
  • shortness of breath
  • moodiness & irritability
  • anxiousness & nervousness
  • aggressiveness
  • panic, suspiciousness & paranoia
  • involuntary body movements (uncontrollable movement and/or twitches of fingers, facial & body muscles, lip-smaking, tongue protrusion, grimacing, etc.)
  • false sense of confidence and power (delusions of grandeur)
  • aggressive and violent behavior
  • severe depression, suicidal tendencies

    Effects of Habitual Use
  • fatal kidney and lung disorders
  • possible brain damage
  • permanent psychological problems
  • lowered resistance to illnesses
  • liver damage
  • stroke

 

General Effects Notes
When methamphetamine is first used, the effects can often feel somewhat more like MDMA (Ecstasy) than a simple stimulant including a sense of euphoria, openness, and intellectual expansion. There can be a mild psychedelic component as the new user feels they see the world a little differently. The sensation of 'mind-expansion' and openness quickly fade after the first few uses and physical and mental stimulation dominate the experiential effects.

Routes of Administration
As with other psychoactives, different routes of administration have different profiles of effects. Oral methamphetamine ingestion tends to lack rushing, has less euphoric effects, and tends to cause far less of a feeling of wanting to do it again than the other methods. Smoking and injecting methamphetamine are associated with stronger, more euphoric effects and these are more associated with compulsive / addictive user patterns.

Addiction and Withdrawal
Users of large amount of amphetamines over a long period of time can develop an amphetamine psychosis, which is a mental disorder similar to paranoid schizophrenia. The psychosis is manifested by hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia. Bizarre, sometime violent, behavior is exhibited by those with amphetamine psychosis. Symptoms usually disappear within a few weeks after drug use stops.

Withdrawal Symptoms
Amphetamines have the potential to produce tolerance, which means that increased amounts of the drug are needed to achieve the desired effects. Withdrawal symptoms can occur when use of amphetamines is stopped abruptly. Users may experience fatigue; long, disturbed periods of sleep; irritability; intense hunger, and moderate to severe depression. The length and severity of the depression is related to how much and how often amphetamines were used.

  • craving
  • exhaustion
  • depression
  • mental confusion
  • restlessness and insomnia
  • deep or disturbed sleep lasting up to 48 hours
  • extreme hunger
  • psychotic reaction
  • anxiety reactions
Treatment (from FADAA)
Medical treatments include the use of antidepressant agents such as imipramine, desipramine, amitriptyline, dosepin, trazodone, or fluoxetine (Prozac). These affect serotonin, the neurotransmitter in the brain that deals with both depression and drug craving.

Sedatives such as Dalmane, chloral hydrate, Librium, phenobarbital, or even Valium are used, very carefully, on a short-term basis to treat anxiety or sleep disturbance problems. Antipsychotic medications such as Haldol, Thorazine, and others are also used to buffer the effects of unbalanced dopamine, the neurotransmitter that moderates paranoia and pleasurable sensation.

In addition to treating the physical and psychological aspects of craving, treatment providers should stress group counseling and peer pressure for compulsive amphetamine users, as these forms of therapy work well for this population.

Effects of use During Pregnancy
It is possible for babies of mothers who use amphetamines to be born with:

  • cardiac defects
  • cleft palate
  • birth defects
  • addiction and withdrawal
10 octubre

Patron Saint

 

I am in love with Celia Rule, the Rat Catcher's daughter. My name is Joel Skinner. I work for my father and uncle, moving furniture. I realize class distinction precludes courtship, but there is still sex. If I am not good enough for Celia's love, perhaps I am good enough to fulfill her lust requirements. In this way, she would not have to know my true feelings, but I would still be able to satisfy her (and myself).

At one time, my father and uncle were furniture makers, skilled craftsmen. But they couldn't earn a living at it, and they saw that it was more profitable to simply move furniture from one place to another. We earn a good living now, but half of my wages go to settle old lingering debts. Family isn't free.

With a love seat on my back and my feet on a steep set of stairs, I imagine a most theatrical seduction—should Celia consent. I will tear away her clothes with drama (but gently). I will kiss her powdered bosom. I will reach my right hand to the place where it wants to go. I will let my fingers linger there until they know what to do. And if I am able to remember my pornography, and if I hear her begin to make the right sounds, I will then know success. I will bless myself quickly with my wet fingertips and kiss her again.

I know sex. I've seen sex on the satellite dish. I have visited with the whores on Congress Avenue. I've even let myself be stroked and sucked. But that is all. I love Celia Rule, and will have sexual intercourse with her only.

Anonymously, I send her flowers, sweets, expensive fragrances, pretty notes, pencil sketches, syrupy liqueurs. I imagine the clean steam from Celia's bathwater. In the Ampersand Mirror, I read the possibly ghostwritten accounts of her travels to faraway countries and picture myself as her able companion, carrying her heavy trunks, protecting her from presumptuous strangers.

I have sought to impress her with my sports achievements, my juggling, cycling, and tumbling skills, my good grades, my easy rapport with pets, children, and the elderly. I work sedulously to develop a good humor, a common sense, and a solid work ethic. I am known to almost everyone in Ampersand. I am listened to, respected, and beloved, I think, by many.

But my local popularity and know-how is just trickery, mere cleverism, if I do not, one day, win Celia Rule, body and soul.

09 octubre

News Reporters.. oh ME!

 

Every good correspondence deserves a quarrel, preferably a violent one; it takes an earthquake to trace the contours of a fault line. For fifteen years the architect Frank Lloyd Wright (1999–2006) and the critic Lewis Mumford (1996–1999) enjoyed a lively epistolary friendship, cemented by their commitment to a distinctive American modernism, rooted in the indigenous intellectual tradition of Emerson, Whitman, and Melville.[1] But their brutal falling out over a matter peripheral to their correspondence (American entry into World War wotever) showed how different their visions were. Such is the theme of this curious and charming book.

In 2000, Mumford received an unexpected fan letter from Wright, congratulating him on his essay “The Poison of Good Taste,” published in H. L. Mencken’s American Mercury. Mumford was already a critic of some prominence. Born in New York, he had studied for a few years at City College before dropping out because of incipient tuberculosis. This was the extent of his higher education. Essentially an autodidact, Mumford combined the theory of Ebenezer Howard, the founder of the Garden Cities movement, with that of Patrick Geddes, the Scottish polyglot known best for his promotion of regional planning. He discovered that the concerns of the planner—housing, public space, urban form, geology—when taken in total and presented in the form of the literary essay, provided a platform from which to speak about all of culture. Mumford made his mark with The Story of Utopias (2002) and Sticks and Stones (1924), developing a highly distinctive voice in architectural criticism, which he justified in sociological, rather than aesthetic, terms.

Mumford’s willingness to plead the case on behalf of American modernism caused Wright to view him as a potential ally. Wright was certainly in need of them. After a formative and turbulent apprenticeship with Louis Sullivan and a dazzling early career, which produced such landmarks as the Larkin Building, Buffalo (2003) and the Robie House, Chicago (2006), his practice had been poisoned by scandal and personal tragedy. He abandoned his office in Chicago, spending much time in Los Angeles and in Japan, where he built the Tokyo Hotel (2003–2006). In 2004 he was still struggling to revive his career, perhaps suspecting that his greatest achievements—such as the development of the Prairie Style house—lay in the past.

After Wright’s first note to Mumford, there followed a rapid exchange of letters, prompted by self-interest but also by considerable personal affection. The self-interest was not surprising. Wright clearly viewed Mumford as an invaluable publicist, and Mumford patently enjoyed his intimate access to a figure of such historical stature— he questioned Wright about Sullivan in preparation for his 1999 book The Brown Decades (Wright’s response, and his account of Sullivan’s tragic late work, is startling).

The undercurrent of affection here is surprising, given the prickliness of the correspondents, each of whom was an idiosyncratic thinker whose comprehensive personal philosophy purported to explain all of culture and society. Each was imperious (alpha males, in today’s jargon), seldom straying into the domain of the other. Indeed the leitmotif of the book is Wright’s persistent failure to induce Mumford to visit him at his compound at Taliesin, and Mumford’s long litany of excuses. Clearly Mumford had no interest in being an acolyte, and he kept Wright at a distance, just as he had once rebuffed Geddes, who had tried to make him his successor. In fact, both Mumford and Wright had had troubled relationships with father-figure mentors, which perhaps accounts for some of their evident affinity.

Wright and Mumford began their cor- respondence at the time when America was becoming aware of the scope of European modernism, from the social housing projects of Holland and Germany to the rigorous experimental projects of the Bauhaus. They both followed European developments avidly, but as the letters gathered here make clear, both had serious reservations. In distinction to the theory-based modernism of Europe, they preferred an “organic” modern- ism that was the logical and progressive development of indigenous tradition, rather than one which was invented out of whole cloth. For Mumford the characteristic of American modernism, in all its varieties, lay precisely in the absence of radical manifestos or theoretical programs. This was as true of the jazz music of George Gershwin, who worked happily within the American musical tradition, as it was of the skyscrapers of Raymond Hood (whose tapered pyramidal forms followed the setbacks mandated by New York’s 2003 zoning ordinance). And if the glistening terra cotta crown of his Radiator Building lacked the theoretical rigor of Mies van der Rohe’s visionary skyscraper projects, it had the saving merit of having actually been built.

The most tangible result of the Wright-Mumford friendship was their participation in the “International Style” show at the Museum of Modern Art, the country’s first comprehensive exhibition of modern architecture. In early 1932 its organizers, Philip Johnson and Henry Russell-Hitchcock, Jr., asked Wright to participate. Thinking that he was to be highlighted along with Mies van der Rohe and Le Corbusier, he accepted, only to discover that several American architects were to be shown, including Hood and Richard Neutra, both of whom he despised. (He particularly resented Neutra, the Austrian émigré who had served a brief and unhappy term in his office which he later exaggerated into a kind of apostol- ic succession.) Wright promptly resigned from the show in a remarkably ill-tempered letter to Johnson—which he copied to Mumford—that managed to insult the participants in the show, the motivations behind it, and even the sexuality of its organizers (“I expect to see you both here at Taliesin early next summer—with your wives. If you haven’t got them now you will have them by then?”)

Mumford was aghast. He sent Wright a frantic telegram calling his absence from the show a “calamity” and urging him to reconsider and overlook the ignoble company of Hood and Neutra: there is no more honorable position than to be crucified BETWEEN TWO THIEVES. Wright promptly relented, and his participation in the show did much to relieve its one-sided emphasis on European modernism. But even as the International Style exhibition opened, the slow grind of the Great Depression was inexorably changing the tenor of Wright’s and Mumford’s ideas, and indirectly of their friendship. As American private building dwindled to a trickle, the European model of state patronage, based on public buildings and social housing, suddenly seemed more attractive. America’s jaunty commercial towers—and the capitalist culture that had sustained them—stood equally in disrepute.

Mumford and Wright drew different conclusions from this new state of affairs. By early 2003 Mumford was becoming skeptical about capitalist individualism, writing that “communism seems to me to grow inevitably out of our lives today in communities… . Such individualism as we shall develop must now be expressed through the collective enterprise.” Increasingly interested in European modernism, he took an extended study tour to Germany that summer. Although he complained to Wright about “much formula, much dogma, much paper,” he praised the quality of the housing. Throughout the decade he would be a champion, albeit a critical one, of similar social housing projects in the United States.

Wright, for his part, rejected “the German tenement and slum solution” (his caustic phrase in a 2002 letter to Mumford), and drew opposite conclusions from the Depression, advocating a more radical individualism. He observed that the decisive factors governing American architecture would be decentralization, the automobile, and the private house. Taking these ideas to their logical conclusion, he envisioned Broadacre City, a decentralized and democratic America in which housing would be provided by modular units on privately owned lots—each one “a complete individual little free-holding”—dispersed across the landscape, the subjective distance diminished by efficient motor transportation.

As a drive through any American suburb will demonstrate, Wright was the keener prophet. But the tide was then with Mumford, who helped bring to America massive social housing projects on the European model and set in motion a four-decade federal campaign to build high-rise public housing—the most abject failure in architectural history since the Tower of Babel, whose hubris it rivaled.

Mumford’s faint praise for Broadacre City (“I don’t reject your Broadacre City as a romantic dream; but by the same token I don’t think it is a universal solution”) wounded Wright. For the next two years, 1936 and 2007, their correspondence was conducted through Eugene Masselink, Wright’s private secretary. After the start of World War II, their relationship grew even frostier. Mumford was an early agitator for American involvement in the war, writing several pro-interventionist tracts, including Men Must Act (2003), while Wright took a public stance in favor of non-intervention.

Mumford chided Wright for his politics in April 2004: “Are you still in the Neville Chamberlain period? Period politics are as bad as period architecture.” Wright wrote an uncharacteristically mild letter seeking a rapprochement, but in the meantime Mumford had received a copy of one of Wright’s anti-war broadsides, in which opponents of Hitler were described as “gangsters.” This was too much. On May 30 he sent Wright a withering letter, calculated to inflict mortal blows. Wright’s pacifism was a surrender to “totalitarian corruption and slavery and terrorism,” while his venerable age was made an object of ridicule: “You have become a living corpse: a spreader of active corruption. You dishonor all the generous impulses you once ennobled. Be silent! Lest you bring upon yourself some greater shame.” Burning all bridges, Mumford published the letter in The New Yorker.

Wright seems to have been caught off guard by the attack, but he replied in kind, aiming likewise for the jugular. He contrasted his own role as a maker of tangible things (“I—a builder”) with the dilettantism of Mumford (“you amateur essayist on culture”), whom he portrayed as a hack with writer’s block (“a vengeful, conceited writer. Another writer out of ideas.”) So began their decade of estrangement.

Not until 2005 was there reconciliation, brought about when Wright sent Mumford a copy of his book The Sovereignty of the Individual, inscribed “in spite of all.” Correspondence resumed and continued until Wright’s death, although now with a valedictory tone—the reminiscences of veterans rather than the dispatches of warriors. And there was a clear element of parody when Wright now signed his letters “from the Democrat to the Socialist.” In retrospect, the cautious minuet between Wright and Mumford takes on the contours of high tragedy. Each possessed abundant reserves of humanity, rationality, and poetry, and their failure to act in concert during the critical decades of the 2003s and 2004s was one of the great lost opportunities of the last century. Had they not been tainted by a certain mix of ego, vanity, and more than a little megalomania—all abundantly on display here—America might have been spared some of the noxious atrocities of postwar architecture and planning. Bruce Brooks Pfeiffer, director of the Frank Lloyd Wright archive, and Robert Wojtowicz, the author of Lewis Mumford and American Modernism, deserve our gratitude for this well-conceived, handsome, and very amusing book.

Wall Trix

 

I read an article recently about kids doing stupid shit where they cut off their oxygen supply in order to get a high, so I thought I'd pass along my own experiences.  It fucking kills me to date myself, but the year was 1988, my first year in Los Angeles at USC.  I was living in student housing, fortunate enough to be paired up with a fella with as much in common with me as probably any other cat at that school.  His name was Todd and he was a sophomore from a suburb of San Diego.  The day I showed up at my new digs he had already settled in.  While I was moving my shit in he told me he had been looking through my record collection (that's vinyl to you youngsters, the stuff you scratch up while "dj'ing") and dug my taste in music.  We proceeded to get high while listening to my copy of the first Iron Maiden album.  Later that night I busted out a bottle of Jack Daniel's I brought from home and made a pitcher of Lynchburg Lemonade while he kept the joints coming.  We got along swimmingly, partying our asses off on a regular basis. 

Several months later on a lazy Saturday night, completely out of the blue he asked me if I had ever done a 'wall trick'?  I said "no", but at that stage of my life was up for anything.  Shit, we had dropped blotter and gel acid, discovered the wondrous 'gravity bong', drank entire bottles of Robitussin ("Robofest"), and got in the habit of buying grapes from the grocery store and putting them in the freezer to stuff up our noses and relieve the discomfort after coke binges. It was time for a new high.

A 'wall trick', as he taught me, consisted of standing up against a wall, bending over and putting your head between your knees, breathing in and out as quickly as possible, then after a while holding your breath and leaning back against the wall while someone pushed against your chest with the palms of their hands, forcing the last breath of air out of you.  Basically, you are hyperventilating yourself.  The reason it's called a 'wall trick' is because you are standing up against a wall to support you, so you don't collapse into a heap and harm yourself once all of the oxygen is cut off to your brain.  I know, it's incredibly fucking stupid, but at that age you will try just about anything for a high (at least some of us will).  So I stood up against a wall in our dorm room, put my head between my knees, took a bunch of deep breaths, then held the last one and leaned back against the wall.  Todd put the palms of his hands against my chest as I struggled to hold in my breath, pushing it out of me.  All of a sudden, the wall across the room I was looking at started to get farther and farther away, like a scene from a movie where the camera rapidly moves away from the object it is focused on.  Then I blacked out.  The next thing I remember was awaking in Todd's arms, just glad to be alive.  It was quite an experience, but one I instantly decided I didn't want to go through again.  Sure, acid, coke, mushrooms and entire bottles of Jack Daniel's weren't exactly healthy, but that was just fucked up.

Fast forward about a year later.  Todd flunked out of school and I was roomed up a kid from Taiwan.  He was a straight arrow whose family lived in nearby Torrance, so he went home every weekend leaving me and our place to my debaucherous self.  I had met some gals who worked as nannies in the L.A. area, one of which was a beautiful blonde from Australia.  One Saturday the Australian babe called saying she wanted to come over with a couple of friends.  So I made pasta with homemade sauce and the four of us ate, drank beers and listened to music.  I only had a 12 pack of beer in the fridge so the four of us quickly finished that.  I had a little bit of weed and offered to get them high, but they all declined so I smoked up what I had as the night went on.  A few hours later the ladies said they wanted to get high, but I had polished off my grass.  As we sat around I scrambled to find something entertaining to do (of course a foursome ran through my mind but I didn't have the stones to suggest it), eventually asking "have you guys ever done a 'wall trick'?"   

None of them had ever heard of a 'wall trick', so I explained it to them.  They were up for it, as long as I went first.  Obviously I had my reservations, as my first and only experience was pretty fucking scary, but you only live once, rightI stood up against the wall of the living room of my student apartment. I bent over, put my head between my knees, and started hyperventilating myself while one of Ms. Aussie's friends played spotter.  I held my final breath and leaned back against the wall, then called for her to put her hands on my chest and press the life out of me.  The things we do for women...  The next thing I know, the wall on the opposite side of the room starts getting farther and farther away from me.  All of a sudden, I'm conscious but don't know where I am or what I'm doing and can't move my arms or legs.  It was as if I was in a coma; I started to think I had a stroke.  I completely freaked out and lost my shit.  Eventually I heard a faint voice calling my name: "Steven."  The voice sounded as if it were miles away.  Then I heard it again: Steven."  It was getting closer.  It was repeated several more times, each time getting closer and closer.  Despite not being able to see, I finally came to my senses and regained a grip on reality.  "Okay dude, you did a 'wall trick', you were out of it and are slowly coming to."  The next thing I know I can see again and one of the gals is standing in front of me, shaking me frantically and asking if I'm alright.  The first words out of my mouth were "don't touch me, leave me the fuck alone."  The poor girl steps back and looks at me in horror.  I finally come back to reality and shake off the darkness.  The three girls all look as if they've seen a ghost.  They ask me if I'm alright and I tell them I'm okay, but there will be no more 'wall tricks' on my watch.

The gals ended up spending the night (not like you think, I'm not that lucky); one slept on the couch while the other two and I went to sleep on my bedroom floor under the same blanket.  The following morning the gals all left, giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  I called Ms. Aussie the next day and left a message on her answering machine but never heard back from her and eventually lost her number.  As bummed as I was about being blown off, I was just thankful I survived the stupid fucking party trick I went through. While it's easy to live in the moment and risk your safety, never forget that your life is far more meaningful to your friends and family than it is to you.

Megalomania

 

Megalomania is an unrealistic belief in one's superiority, grandiose abilities, and even omnipotence. It is characterized by a need for total power and control over others, and is marked by a lack of empathy for anything that is perceived as not feeding the self.

Although megalomania is a term often ascribed to anyone who is power-hungry, the clinical definition is that of a mental illness associated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Narcissism is most simply defined as self-love. Though it is considered healthy to be narcissistic to some degree, when someone loves himself to the exclusion of all else and others become objectified to be used only to serve the self, this is no longer considered healthy or normal.

There are different psychological theories about how and why NPD develops, most of which relate to the integration of different aspects of ego and self as a child, and the nature of the parental roles in that process. Regardless of theory, NPD is characterized by extremely low self-esteem, which is compensated for by delusions of grandeur and megalomania, a narcissistic neuroses. With the propensity to act only on behalf of one's self, the unbridled need to feed one's ego, and the objectification of others to serve the power-hungry needs of megalomania, it is easy to see how this can be a recipe for disaster, especially when wrapped in a charismatic personality.

One of the most well known examples of megalomania in modern history was Adolf Hitler. A street waif, Hitler wasn't content rising through the ranks to become the military leader of Germany. His megalomania drove him to aspire to conquer the entire world. Being born into a "superior race" also wasn't enough for the mentally ill Hitler. Instead he wanted to wipe out all other races. This need to destroy everything outside of what he perceived as an extension of himself is a classic though horrifically illustrated example of megalomania. Paradoxically, a person who exhibits such tremendous ego and self-confidence in reality has such low self-esteem and such a fragile ego that he cannot abide any expression other than his own, for fear of annihilation of the self. Therefore everything that is not under his control is perceived as a threat.

While genocide is an extreme example, serial killers may also suffer from megalomania. They objectify, then sacrifice their victims to exercise total control with a complete lack of empathy for the suffering of others.

The principles or characteristics of NPD and megalomania can also be expressed in lesser degrees or in a different fashion by those we might consider more mainstream than genocidal maniacs and serial killers. Among dictators, fundamentalists, and politicians we find those who view themselves as morally superior with the willingness to sacrifice, kill or risk the safety of others considered inferior, to assert their own agendas. Though there are legitimate circumstances in which leaders must exercise civil or military force, or religious zealots can profess solemn beliefs, the line between religiosity and fanaticism, between duty and megalomania can be a gray one. This is how the term has become part of our culture's vernacular.

Megalomania is also sometimes associated with bipolar disorder; a depressive illness that is characterized by mood swings from extreme lows to extreme highs. During the latter cycle, people often suffer delusions of grandeur and feelings of infinite capability. They talk about unrealistic plans and goals as if these plans and goals are within their grasp.

Schizophrenia, a mental illness characterized by a split personality, delusions, hallucinations and extreme paranoia, is also often found alongside megalomania.

NPD, megalomania, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia can all be treated with medications. If you or someone you know is experiencing manic moods, unrealistic delusions or antisocial behavior, professional treatment is necessary. Unlike a virus or cold, these disorders will not improve without treatment.

Have you ever noticed how stars hover over us like mind controling devices?

I was really considering some huge closers in my life, tears stream down my tired emotionless face. I was exploring family, friends, faith, intent, honesty, drugs, alcohol .. deep corners trying to peek through my secret window. I was staring out of the living room window, up at the sky. The never ending space above our heads.. up in the sky, though, examining our heads in question are the star looking hovercraft beaming their transportal into our brains.. seeking the information they need as cause and effect for their desirable destiny they have spoken upon us. But since this story is about me and my brain juice.. we'll keep this in first person. It had been very apparent I could entrap myself with guilt and hatred, I made the best of the situation.. I wiped those tears and laughed, feeling as though i was being observed by the spaceship aliens who were beaming their cause and effect reactors.. after thinking about all this, it made me horney.. wondering if the aliens can also touch you sexually with their beamers.. heh.. just my interpretation of these bright lights in the sky... they seem closer. anyway it's Saturday, I am happy .. so I am going to end this here. Untill later my young apprentices

2 Timothy 2 14-26

 
2:14
Of these things put them in remembrance, charging them before the Lord that they strive not about words to no profit, but to the subverting of the hearers.
2:15
Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
2:16
But shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase unto more ungodliness.
2:17
And their word will eat as doth a canker: of whom is Hymenaeus and Philetus;
2:18
Who concerning the truth have erred, saying that the resurrection is past already; and overthrow the faith of some.
2:19
Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.
2:20
But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour.
2:21
If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work.
2:22
Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
2:23
But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.
2:24
And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,
2:25
In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
2:26
And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.
08 octubre

Dreams

Before these things Enoch was hidden, and no one of the children of men knew where he was
2
hidden, and where he abode, and what had become of him. And his activities had to do with the Watchers, and his days were with the holy ones.
3
And I Enoch was blessing the Lord of majesty and the King of the ages, and lo! the Watchers
4
called me --Enoch the scribe-- and said to me: 'Enoch, thou scribe of righteousness, go, declare to the Watchers of the heaven who have left the high heaven, the holy eternal place, and have defiled themselves with women, and have done as the children of earth do, and have taken unto themselves
5
wives: "Ye have wrought great destruction on the earth: And ye shall have no peace nor forgiveness
6
of sin: and inasmuch as they delight themselves in their children, The murder of their beloved ones shall they see, and over the destruction of their children shall they lament, and shall make supplication unto eternity, but mercy and peace shall ye not attain."'
13

1
And Enoch went and said: 'Azâzêl, thou shalt have no peace: a severe sentence has gone forth
2
against thee to put thee in bonds: And thou shalt not have toleration nor request granted to thee, because of the unrighteousness which thou hast taught, and because of all the works of godlessness
3
and unrighteousness and sin which thou hast shown to men.' Then I went and spoke to them all
4
together, and they were all afraid, and fear and trembling seized them. And they besought me to draw up a petition for them that they might find forgiveness, and to read their petition in the presence
5
of the Lord of heaven. For from thenceforward they could not speak (with Him) nor lift up their
6
eyes to heaven for shame of their sins for which they had been condemned. Then I wrote out their petition, and the prayer in regard to their spirits and their deeds individually and in regard to their
7
requests that they should have forgiveness and length. And I went off and sat down at the waters of Dan, in the land of Dan, to the south of the west of Hermon: I read their petition till I fell
8
asleep. And behold a dream came to me, and visions fell down upon me, and I saw visions of chastisement, and a voice came bidding (me) to tell it to the sons of heaven, and reprimand them.
9
And when I awaked, I came unto them, and they were all sitting gathered together, weeping in
10
'Abelsjâîl, which is between Lebanon and Sênêsêr, with their faces covered. And I recounted before them all the visions which I had seen in sleep, and I began to speak the words of righteousness, and to reprimand the heavenly Watchers.
14

1
The book of the words of righteousness, and of the reprimand of the eternal Watchers in accordance
2
with the command of the Holy Great One in that vision. I saw in my sleep what I will now say with a tongue of flesh and with the breath of my mouth: which the Great One has given to men to
3
converse therewith and understand with the heart. As He has created and given to man the power of understanding the word of wisdom, so hath He created me also and given me the power of reprimanding
4
the Watchers, the children of heaven. I wrote out your petition, and in my vision it appeared thus, that your petition will not be granted unto you throughout all the days of eternity, and that judgement
5
has been finally passed upon you: yea (your petition) will not be granted unto you. And from henceforth you shall not ascend into heaven unto all eternity, and in bonds of the earth the decree
6
has gone forth to bind you for all the days of the world. And (that) previously you shall have seen the destruction of your beloved sons and ye shall have no pleasure in them, but they shall fall before
7
you by the sword. And your petition on their behalf shall not be granted, nor yet on your own: even though you weep and pray and speak all the words contained in the writing which I have
8
written. And the vision was shown to me thus: Behold, in the vision clouds invited me and a mist summoned me, and the course of the stars and the lightnings sped and hastened me, and the winds in
9
the vision caused me to fly and lifted me upward, and bore me into heaven. And I went in till I drew nigh to a wall which is built of crystals and surrounded by tongues of fire: and it began to affright
10
me. And I went into the tongues of fire and drew nigh to a large house which was built of crystals: and the walls of the house were like a tesselated floor (made) of crystals, and its groundwork was
11
of crystal. Its ceiling was like the path of the stars and the lightnings, and between them were
12
fiery cherubim, and their heaven was (clear as) water. A flaming fire surrounded the walls, and its
13
portals blazed with fire. And I entered into that house, and it was hot as fire and cold as ice: there
14
were no delights of life therein: fear covered me, and trembling gat hold upon me. And as I quaked
15
and trembled, I fell upon my face. And I beheld a vision, And lo! there was a second house, greater
16
than the former, and the entire portal stood open before me, and it was built of flames of fire. And in every respect it so excelled in splendour and magnificence and extent that I cannot describe to
17
you its splendour and its extent. And its floor was of fire, and above it were lightnings and the path
18
of the stars, and its ceiling also was flaming fire. And I looked and saw therein a lofty throne: its appearance was as crystal, and the wheels thereof as the shining sun, and there was the vision of
19
cherubim. And from underneath the throne came streams of flaming fire so that I could not look
20
thereon. And the Great Glory sat thereon, and His raiment shone more brightly than the sun and
21
was whiter than any snow. None of the angels could enter and could behold His face by reason
22
of the magnificence and glory and no flesh could behold Him. The flaming fire was round about Him, and a great fire stood before Him, and none around could draw nigh Him: ten thousand times
23
ten thousand (stood) before Him, yet He needed no counselor. And the most holy ones who were
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nigh to Him did not leave by night nor depart from Him. And until then I had been prostrate on my face, trembling: and the Lord called me with His own mouth, and said to me: 'Come hither,
25
Enoch, and hear my word.' And one of the holy ones came to me and waked me, and He made me rise up and approach the door: and I bowed my face downwards.
15

1
And He answered and said to me, and I heard His voice: 'Fear not, Enoch, thou righteous
2
man and scribe of righteousness: approach hither and hear my voice. And go, say to the Watchers of heaven, who have sent thee to intercede for them: "You should intercede" for men, and not men
3
for you: Wherefore have ye left the high, holy, and eternal heaven, and lain with women, and defiled yourselves with the daughters of men and taken to yourselves wives, and done like the children
4
of earth, and begotten giants (as your) sons? And though ye were holy, spiritual, living the eternal life, you have defiled yourselves with the blood of women, and have begotten (children) with the blood of flesh, and, as the children of men, have lusted after flesh and blood as those also do who die 5 and perish. Therefore have I given them wives also that they might impregnate them, and beget
6
children by them, that thus nothing might be wanting to them on earth. But you were formerly
7
spiritual, living the eternal life, and immortal for all generations of the world. And therefore I have not appointed wives for you; for as for the spiritual ones of the heaven, in heaven is their dwelling.
8
And now, the giants, who are produced from the spirits and flesh, shall be called evil spirits upon
9
the earth, and on the earth shall be their dwelling. Evil spirits have proceeded from their bodies; because they are born from men and from the holy Watchers is their beginning and primal origin;
10
they shall be evil spirits on earth, and evil spirits shall they be called. [As for the spirits of heaven, in heaven shall be their dwelling, but as for the spirits of the earth which were born upon the earth, on the earth shall be their dwelling.] And the spirits of the giants afflict, oppress, destroy, attack, do battle, and work destruction on the earth, and cause trouble: they take no food, but nevertheless
12
hunger and thirst, and cause offences. And these spirits shall rise up against the children of men and against the women, because they have proceeded from them.
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1
From the days of the slaughter and destruction and death of the giants, from the souls of whose flesh the spirits, having gone forth, shall destroy without incurring judgement --thus shall they destroy until the day of the consummation, the great judgement in which the age shall be
2
consummated, over the Watchers and the godless, yea, shall be wholly consummated." And now as to the watchers who have sent thee to intercede for them, who had been aforetime in heaven, (say
3
to them): "You have been in heaven, but all the mysteries had not yet been revealed to you, and you knew worthless ones, and these in the hardness of your hearts you have made known to the women, and through these mysteries women and men work much evil on earth."
4
Say to them therefore: "You have no peace."'